The Nightmare Begins - The MUSICAL!
by Nadine
Summary: Because the one thing more twisted than Invader Zim is a Broadway version of Invader Zim. It's the greatest musical ever written about obsession, doom, and tacos.
1. Act 1

The Nightmare Begins: The MUSICAL! (Act 1)

* * *

Before you start reading, here's the story behind this testament to the power of procrastination. One day, I was reading a thread in GIR dealing with a Zim musical. For my amusement, I wrote a song for the 'musical', and people seemed to like it. I ended up writing a few songs for the board, and, after a while I decided I should consolidate the songs into some semblance of a plot. Because I had already written a song about the 'Great Assigning' (and because I'm too lazy to put a plot together), I decided to use the episode 'The Nightmare Begins' as my plot, though I have made a few changes to suit the songs. Anyway, I hope you find this little 'musical' a fun way to put off the serious work that you have to do.

* * *

_Scene I: Conventia_

**The Great Assigning  
**Irken Chorus: Come, please, oh Tallest   
Teach us to be the be the best   
Invaders far or near   
The planet Irk will dominate   
Our reputation will be great   
For everywhere we will inspire fear 

Oh Tallest, you almighty ones   
Enlighten us, so then the suns   
Of many worlds we'll take   
The Irken empire will be vast   
And everyone, from first to last   
Will to an Irken universe awake 

Yes, we need the sage advice   
Of the leader who has twice   
The abilities of any normal one   
Oh, please, Tallest, one and two   
We must see you both anew   
If Operation Doom II shall be done 

Irken1: Done...   
Irken2: Done...   
Irken3: Done...   
Irken4: Done! 

_Tallest appear._

Red: Oh, you denizens of our great empire   
We, the greatest Irkens, do desire   
Purple: Those of you who are superior   
Purple aside: Though next to us, you're still inferior... 

Purple: Go, invade!   
Show what ev'ry Irken's made   
Of... Masquerade! 

Red: Then, once you   
Have honestly and true-   
-ly fit in, do 

Tell us what you've found, and we oughta   
Show support with an Irken, uh... spaceship gang? 

Purple, speaking: Armada?   
Red, speaking: Oh yeah. 

Purple: Soon we will rule the enemy with our great advances   
Technology, which they shall see, quite truly entrances   
Our machines and our weaponry, our high level phasers   
Our jetpacks and our rocketry   
Red: And don't forget our lasers! 

_Laser hits Purple._

Red, speaking: Whoops, sorry. 

Red: Go, invade!   
Zim, speaking: Excuse me...   
Purple: Don't let Irken glory fade!   
Zim, speaking: Pardon me...   
Red: Don't be afraid! 

Zim, speaking: Invader coming through!   
Purple: Go with haste!   
Red: Don't... eat paste!   
Purple, speaking: I told you before... it's 'no time to waste'... geez. 

Zim, loudly: I'M HERE!

Purple, speaking: It can't be!

Zim, speaking: You're lucky I got here in time.

Red, speaking: But you were banished...

Zim, speaking: I quit when I found out about this...

**Let Me Be an Invader  
**Zim: Let me be in Operation Doom Two  
There is no single candidate greater.  
I'm sure you will thank me once I have been through  
And I'll prove I'm truly an invader.

Red: I think I speak for both of us  
When I say that we can't discuss  
This idea with you.

Purple: You've already made a travesty  
Of the Irken army's majesty  
Let's face it, Zim, you're through.

Zim: But my Tallest, I put the fires out;  
Just let me try once more.  
Because I have nary a doubt  
That I'll make up what I did before

And I will try  
To tell you why...

Invading is in my veins  
But you deny me  
And it gives me pains  
That you decry me

Let me reach my destiny;  
Let me conquer and raid!  
And you'll finally see  
I was born to invade!

_Red gets a sandwich._

Red: Uh, now we see that you deserve  
A token for the time you've served  
The grateful citizens of Irk.

Yes, you should be proud, and stuff...  
Uh, I hope that sandwich is enough  
To show our... thanks for all your work

Zim: Oh, please, I just want one more mission.  
Give me a chance, just let me try.  
Please be kind with your decision.  
And I'll give a reason why...

Here is my confession:  
I must conquer a planet.  
Invading's my obsession  
Give me a ship; I'll man it!

Let me reach my destiny;  
Let me conquer and raid!  
And you'll finally see  
I was born to invade!

_Red and Purple huddle together._

Red: If I hear one more refrain  
From Zim, I swear I'll go insane.  
There has to be some way to quiet him.

Purple: Wait! I think I have a plan!  
Just follow me... I think we can  
Finally rid ourselves of this Zim.

_Red and Purple go to Zim._

Zim, we have been swayed by you,  
We know that what you've said is true,  
And I have one important task.

_Purple points to a spot on the edge of a map._

Go to... that planet over there!  
Go conquer it, and please take care  
And do the Irken army proud, I ask

Red and Purple: And you'll reach your destiny;  
You shall conquer and raid!  
For now we can see  
You were born to invade!

Zim, speaking: Oh thank you, my tallest! I won't let you down! Now, all I ask of you is a robot slave to help me on my mission. Gimme!

Red, speaking: Um, your mission is too... special to be entrusted to a regular SIR unit. We have a 'top secret' model for you, Zim.

Zim, speaking: Oooh! Lemme see!

_Red and Purple huddle by a trash can._

**The Creation of Gir**  
Purple: I'll throw in a few medal scraps...  
Red: I'll add a gum wrapper.  
Purple: Together it will make, perhaps,  
A very 'special' SIR.

_The Tallest take Gir, who is dancing around insanely, over to Zim._

Red: Oh, Zim, I'll introduce to you  
Your special robot servant.

Zim: But it looks, uh, not so good...  
Purple: True...  
But try to be observant.

Though it may look bad at first  
It will pose a secret threat  
Though you may assume the worst  
The enemy will too, I'll bet

Zim: That's INGENIOUS! I should know  
Not to doubt you two.  
Red: Now I think you two should go,  
So farewell and adieu!

_Zim and Gir go offstage. Cheers are heard from the assorted Irkens._

Red, speaking: Now to get down to business...

_Blackout._

* * *

_Scene II: Dib's House_

_Dib, on the rooftop, is listening to a transmission; he takes off his headphones in a state of shock._

**Something's Coming**  
Dib: I can't believe it...  
I simply can't conceive it!  
My lifetime of waiting now has ended.

I've now got proof,  
Yes, quite decisive truth,  
That planet Earth will have to be defended.

For...  
Something's humming... in my radio!  
Something's humming, and I do know  
That it's not from familiar turf,  
It cannot be from Earth!  
It is a signal from far, far away...

Something's coming... from outer space!  
Something coming, right to this place.  
And I must be prepared for it  
Though others might be scared of it  
It's my duty to keep the alien at bay!

I feel a drumming in my chest.  
And that drumming may well suggest  
The fears I will soon face  
Once I meet the alien race  
But I know that these fears cannot hold sway.

My course has now been set  
And I will not forget  
My duties and and my moral obligations.

Something's coming very soon  
From beyond the crescent moon  
And I must protect the planet's many nations!  


_Dib goes downstairs to find Professor Membrane, surrounded by robot assistants. Gaz is in the corner playing on her GameSlave._

Dib, speaking: Dad! Something's coming!

Professor Membrane: Not now, son. I'm working on something important!

**Toast!**  
Prof. M.: I am the greatest scientist   
The world has ever known.   
My name tops every science list,   
And I have always shown 

My cleverness in research; it's   
Really quite legendary.   
But one subject tests my wits   
Of one matter I'm wary... 

Should I tell you what it is?   
Robots: Oh, please tell us what it is... 

Prof. M.: It... is... TOAST!   
Robots: Yes toast!   
Prof. M.: Out of all that I've created   
And every invention I can boast 

It's toast!   
Robots: Darn toast!   
Prof. M.: I am challenged by that heated   
Buttered slice of bread the most 

I have made it my new quest   
To please Betty Crocker and Einstein   
Make my toast the very best   
With the genius that is mine 

And once I have perfected toast   
I will have shown my true greatness   
It will be loved coast to coast   
My genius demands no less. 

Robots: It's toast! Yes toast!   
Which, don't scoff, our beloved prof. loves most! 

With toast! Great toast!   
His immortality is guarenteed, we know'est! 

(fading)It's toast! Yes, toast! It's toast...

Dib, speaking: Well, that was weird. Gaz! Something's coming!

Gaz, speaking: What is it this time?

Dib, speaking: I... don't... know.

**Why Do They Never Understand**  
Gaz: Quiet, Dib, I'm trying to play!  
Do you know the meaning of 'Go Away'?  
Dib: But Gaz...  
Gaz: If I lose, you're going to pay!

_Dib sadly walks away. The stage becomes dark, with a spotlight on Dib._

Dib: Why do they never understand  
The things that I have planned?  
Everyone just laughs or ignores me.

But they'll soon conceive  
Of the truth behind what I believe!  
And soon eveybody will see...

That I was right all along;  
And everyone else was wrong.  
My initial predictions will be shown,  
I'll find success of my own,  
And I'll no longer be alone.

_Dib walks back up to the rooftop as a maudlin theme plays._

Why are people so surprised  
About things that they can't see with their eyes?  
Why can't they see past anything?

And they always must make light  
Of those who see things right,  
And they scoff at the ideas that they bring.

But I will someday make them fond  
Of the things that lurk beyond.  
They'll know aliens are real  
Once I have made my appeal  
With proof that I shall not conceal

_A second spotlight appears over Zim and Gir, who are outside the Voot Cruiser._

Zim and Dib: I will show all those who doubt  
And those who don't know all about  
The great mission that I am on.

I will soon prove my great worth  
Once I have done my work on Earth.  
All their doubts will soon be gone.

I will prove I am right  
And they soon will see the light.  
Though they think I'm obsessed  
I will soon complete my quest!  
And I will prove that... I'm... the... best!

_Dib's spotlight fades._

Zim, speaking: Gir, ready the Voot Cruiser! We will show these unsuspecting Earthenoids the true power of Irk!

_Zim and Gir enter the Voot Cruiser._

Gir, speaking: I'm gonna sing the doom song now!

**The Doom Song**  
Gir: Doom doom, doom doom, doom doom doom... (Well, you know it already)

_The curtain falls._

* * *

INTERMISSION  
Snacks will be served in the lobby.

* * *


	2. Act 2

The Nightmare Begins: The MUSICAL! (Act 2)

* * *

_Scene 1: A Street on Earth_

_As the curtain rises, the Voot Cruiser is above a normal looking Earth street with a vacant space between two buildings._

**After Months of Endless Searching**  
Gir: Doom, doom doom... Doom, doom doom...

Zim: After months of endless searching  
Through the great unknown,  
Gir: Doom doom...  
Zim: I've found the planet I'll be researching  
Which will be overthrown!  
Gir: Doom, doom doom!

Zim: And my quest lays right before me  
Like a... big... questy thing.  
Gir: Doom doom...  
Zim: I'll conquer, and all Irk will adore me  
To my glory they will sing!  
Gir : Doom, doom doom!

Zim: Months of flying past the planets finally bear their fruit.  
I'll conquer and enslave and there will be no substitute  
In my great masterful plan against these vile Earth stink beasts!  
Gir: Doom doom doom doom doom!

Zim: Now the next great task before me is to find a place,  
Which can serve for Gir and me as our strategic planning base  
Until all of the Earthenoids are finally deceased!  
Gir: Doom doom doom doom doom!

Zim, speaking: Gir, will you stop that!?

Gir, speaking: Okee-dokey!

_Zim points to the vacant spot._

Zim: Ah, that looks like a decent spot  
For us to build our home.  
Gir: Gloom gloom...  
Zim: From which I and my robot  
Will have ample chance to roam.  
Gir: Gloom, gloom gloom!

_Zim eyes Gir, then both get out of the Voot Cruiser and walk towards the empty spot._

Zim: Now, something's missing... wait, we need  
Something with which to disguise us.  
Gir: Gloom gloom...  
Zim: With BRILLIANT costumes we'll recede  
To the background, none will recognize us!  
Gir: Gloom, gloom gloom!

_Zim and Gir put on their 'Earthling' disguises._

Zim: After months of searching, we'll have a permanent home at last,  
Though, given my genius at conquering, we will leave it pretty fast.  
But for a while we'll call it home, until our task is done.  
Gir: Gloom gloom gloom gloom gloom!

Zim: Let's make our dwelling, but, remember Gir, you must try to be quiet,  
Since if the Earthenoids suspect a thing, there's danger of a riot.  
We don't want our mission to fail before it's even begun.  
Gir: Gloom gloom gloom gloom gloom!

Zim: And now, the time finally is here...  
Let our new house suddenly appear!

_Zim and Gir run a distance away. There is a very loud musical flourish as the house appears on stage. People look out their windows at the spectacle. Zim and Gir walk in the house._

Zim, speaking: Ooooh, that went smoothly! Now for the next part of our mission. Gir, we'll need your advanced data processing skills so we can proceed with our research.

Gir, speaking: With what?

Zim, speaking: Let me explain...

**Dancing Like a Monkey (The Gir Song) **  
Zim: To take this filthy planet   
And finish my great task   
Ever since I had began it   
I knew that I must ask 

What are the Earth's strengths and flaws?   
To my robot, I'll defer   
Robot slave, what will cause   
Earth's destuction? Tell me, Gir! 

_Pause._

Zim, speaking: Gir, what are you doing? 

Gir: I'm...   
Dancing like a monkey   
Squeaking like a mongoose   
Singing really funky   
Prancing like a big moose 

Woo hoo! You'll love it if you give it a chance   
Just do the monkey dance! 

Zim: Cease and desist! We've got lots of work.   
There's task upon task for us to do   
If this filthy planet is to be part of Irk.   
So help me now, Gir... Eh? What are you up to? 

Gir: I'm eating lots of tacos,   
Pizza topped with honey   
Chomping on some nachos,   
With some sauce that's yummy 

Zim: Oh, Gir?   
Gir: Yes, sir?   
Zim: Why are we here on the Earth?   
Gir: To plunder it for what it's worth.   
Zim: Yes, and what are you supposed to do?   
Gir: Find tidbits about Earth for you.   
Zim: Good, now are you ready to go?   
Gir: I... don't... know! 

Zim, speaking: Gir! 

Gir: I'm getting really dirty   
Prowling like a stray cat   
Singing like a birdy   
Howling like a wombat 

Gir, speaking: C'mon, do a little dance...   
Zim, speaking: Do you have no dignity?   
Gir, speaking: C'mon...   
Zim, speaking: Will you behave then?   
Gir, speaking: Do a little dance...   
Zim, speaking: Fine... 

_Zim halfheartedly joins in._

Gir and Zim: We're...   
Dancing like a monkey   
Squeaking like a mongoose   
Singing really funky   
Prancing like a big moose 

Woo hoo! You'll love it if you give it a chance   
Just do the monkey dance!

Zim, speaking: Now will you help with the mission?

Gir, speaking: With what?

Zim, speaking: Gah! I guess I'll need another way to find information about this miserable planet. Computer!

Computer, speaking: Yes, sir?

Zim, speaking: How do these Earth creatures get information? Tell me...

Computer, speaking: Well, there's an institution called 'Skool'...

Zim, speaking: Tell me more about this... skool.

_Blackout._

* * *

_Scene 2: Skool_

Ms. Bitters, speaking: Class, I would like to introduce the newest hopeless appendage to our student body. Zim, do you have anything to say?

Zim, speaking: I am a perfectly normal human worm baby.

_Zim takes hes seat. Dib is frozen in a state of shock._

Dib: Does anyone else see the alien in our class?

_Silence._

**The Dib Song **  
Dib: Look at Zim!   
Yes, look at him.   
It's obvious this is a scam.   
Zim: I am who I say I am.

Dib: His skin is green,  
His ears: unseen!  
You guys should really check your vision!  
Zim: But that's just my... uh, skin condition!

Kids' Chorus:   
Oh, that Dib!   
He has flipped his lid.   
If he really does believe in   
All the things he keeps conceivin' 

Kid: Like werewolves, poltergeists...   
Kid2: Zombies, and mutant mice.   
Kid3: Don't forget that bigfoot kid!   
Dib: But I saw him, I really did! 

Zim: Dib creature, shush!   
You're obviously touched.  
Remember when Dib said that he...  
Dib: You just got here!  
Zim: Oh, silly me.

Kids' Chorus:   
Oh, that Dib!   
He has flipped his lid   
If he really does believe in   
All the things he keeps conceivin' 

Dib: I'll show you!   
Once I expose his true   
Identity you'll see   
You should have believed me!

When I save the Earth  
You all will see my worth.  
And you'll regret that you did doubt  
All I had told you about .

Kids' Chorus:   
Oh, that Dib!   
He has flipped his lid   
If he really does believe in   
All the things he keeps conceivin'

Bitters: Enough! Now pay attention...

_Ms. Bitters goes over to the chalkboard._

**Doomed  
**The universe emerged from nothing,   
Just an empty, meaningless void .  
Before the big bang, I'm not bluffing,   
There was no star or asteroid.

Now the universe exists,   
And life exists as well.  
And everyone here persists,  
In ignoring the final knell. 

For from the first day you breathe air,   
You are fated to be entombed.   
And so everybody, everywhere   
Is ultimately doomed. 

Spooky echo: Doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed...   
Doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed... 

Bitters: Sing 'Ring Around the Rosie'   
With your little classmates   
There's something you don't know; see   
You are signalling the fates 

The song is really dealing with   
An old fatal disease   
That was passed, or so goes the myth   
On disgusting rats' fleas 

So people sang about the fate   
For which they had been groomed.   
And they knew that, before too late   
They also would be doomed. 

Spooky echo: Doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed...   
Doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed... 

Bitters: You young children cannot wait   
For callings to pursue   
But bureaucracy is the true fate   
That awaits all of you 

You'll all be placed in thankless jobs   
For which you'll be a slave.   
And you will act as mindless slobs   
Until you reach the grave. 

Your hopes and dreams will all be crushed   
They all will be consumed.   
You're foolish to be so rushed   
To grow up; you are doomed. 

Spooky echo: Doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed...   
Doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed... 

Bitters: Some people hope to leave a mark   
For all eternity   
Through works of art they hope to spark   
A light for all to see 

But that glory shouldn't be sought;   
It's futile, as you'll learn.   
As our universe came from naught,   
To naught it will return. 

Those who try to leave an impact   
Don't know that failure loomed   
Above them all the time; in fact   
Each single soul is doomed. 

Spooky echo: Doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed...   
Doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed...

Bitters, speaking: Go. Now!

_Everyone, except for Zim and Dib, leaves the room._

Dib, speaking: You may have won this time, but I'll prove to everyone that you're an alien.

Zim, speaking: They won't believe you.

Dib, speaking: They will if I show you to them without your disguise. And with these alien-catching handcuffs you won't be able to escape!

**Doomed (Reprise)**  
Dib: Though aliens may try to take  
This planet, I am able  
To stop your plans, and I'll make  
Sure you're on an autopsy table

You'll never get to conquer Earth  
To that oath I am bound.  
I will not let you take our turf  
While I am still around.

And, so, Zim, it is time to go.  
For my victory make room.  
For my future fame, glory, and dough  
And the... Zim-thingy race's doom.

_Zim begins talking/singing into a wrist communication device._

**Zim's Escape**  
Zim: Gir, oh Gir!  
This is an emer-  
Gency... you see,  
Somebody  
Is trying to destroy me!

Where are you Gir?  
I am in great danger!  
I need your aid!  
If I will have stayed  
I'll never ever raid...

_Gir appears._

Ha, Dib, it looks like I'll make my escape now.  
Nice try, but you could never reach my great ability!  
No fib, I know that one day you will have to bow,  
And glorify me, Zim! It's the only possibility!

_Zim escapes with Gir._

Dib: Grrr... Yes, sir,  
He went by in a blur  
Now how will I  
Find Zim, oh my,  
I think I'll find that guy!

_Dib finds something on the ground._

Look, it's green fur...  
I really must infer  
If I can use  
The trail, I won't lose  
I'll end Zim's ruse!

Oh Zim, I will follow until I can unmask you!  
You may have the weapons and technology,  
But dimness will prove fatal, I know it's true.  
One day I'll best you, just wait and see!

_Blackout._

* * *

_Scene 3: The Street Outside Zim's Base_

_Zim and Gir are standing outside the base._

Zim, speaking: Whew, that was a close one! Good work, Gir. Now to continue with the mission!

Dib, speaking from offstage: Not so fast!

_Dib runs up to Zim._

**The Final Confrontation**  
Dib: I've waited all my life for the day I could  
Finally back my beliefs with proof.  
And finally nobody around me would  
See aliens as anything but truth.

I won't give in though you may try to escape;  
I'll wait until I can get something concrete.  
I'll catch your true identity on a tape  
And then I'll smile as I see your defeat!

I'll get you soon, Zim, and I'll be  
Famous for your autopsy!

Zim: Your confidence is really overstated.  
To think that someone pitiful as you  
Could go against an Irken; you have rated  
Yourself too far above what you can do.

I'd laugh at you if you weren't so pathetic.  
Oh well, I think I'll chuckle nonetheless.  
You should stop now, or you will need a medic,  
For my enmity will give you lots of stress.

Now go, Dib child, or you will see  
The full wrath of Irk's army!

Dib: You think I can be swayed by empty boasting?  
Not when it's the whole planet that's at stake!  
Zim: Fine, be that way... But I will be toasting  
Your sad defeat when this planet I take!

_Zim goes inside the house._

Dib: You just can't hide forever; I'll be waiting  
And, until you leave your house I won't be moved!  
Zim: Oh, stop all this ruckus you're creating  
I think your mood can quickly be improved...

Gnomes, attack him, let him know  
That in Zim he has a mighty foe!

_Gnomes attack Dib, and he runs to the other side of the stage. A spotlight falls on Dib._

**Why Do They Never Understand (Reprise)**  
Dib: Why did it not work as planned?  
I just cannot understand.  
The alien comes, yet no one can see.

But they'll soon see what's so clear  
And they'll shed a forlorn tear  
For the way in which they had judged me...

When I have proof of Zim,  
Everyone, both smart and dim,  
Will acknowledge what I've done.  
I will be the special one.  
Yes, my life's purpose has begun!

_Dib's spotlight fades, and another spotlight falls on Zim, who seems to be speaking into a monitor. A third spotlight falls on the Tallest, who are watching Zim's transmission._

**Zim's Transmission**  
Zim: My Tallest, all has gone as planned  
And under my august command  
I'm certain I will take this land  
For Irk's eternal glory!

Purple: Hello... Zim, you're still alive?  
I mean, we knew that you'd survive.  
Red: It's... so great to see you arrive  
Yes, really hunky-dory!

_Transmission ends, and the Tallest give each other weird looks._

**Victory is Mine**  
Zim: Victory is mine, yes, I can feel it!  
Victory sublime, it's so real it  
Feels like I will succeed before long.

Through victory I'll prove myself,  
And I do not delude myself,  
For how could my great genius be wrong?

It's so close, I can taste it,  
Tallest, your trust was not wasted  
For victory is mine, yes, victory... is mine!

For I... was born to be an invader!  
I can't think of a destiny that's greater!  
My single great desire  
Is to serve Irk's vast empire!

I know I... will soon create my share  
Of the planet Earth's destruction and despair!  
I will make history  
And all Irk will applaud ME!

For I...

_Entire cast comes out._

Cast: Yes he... was born to be an invader!  
His fate is to be an Irken planetary raider!  
He may lack common sense  
But he still has confidence.

And you see...  
That's what will bring him vic... to... ry!

_Cast bows, and curtain falls._

* * *

THE END  
This production was made possible by a generous grant from the Highfalutin Foundation for the Arts and the MacMeaties Corporation.

* * *


End file.
